“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
A man walked into an optometrist’s office to return a pair of eyeglasses prescribed by the doctor for his wife.
“What’s wrong with the glasses,” asked the optometrist?
The man answered, “I’m returning the glasses because she still doesn’t see things MY way!”
Isn’t that the way it always goes for us in all our relationships? We want it “MY way!”
That’s why the Bible prescribes mutual submission as God’s solution for relational conflict and means to relational connection at home and in the church. A Spirit-inspired willingness to sacrificially give oneself to meeting another’s need through unselfish service cuts through conflict and builds connections. This week’s passage reminds us that love and respect are two key aspects of Spirit-filled relationships within our families…at home and at church. These qualities are expressions of “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21).
While this is true for everyone who belongs to the family of faith, husbands and wives have a special responsibility before the Lord and the church: to be models of Christ’s love and respect within the family…at home and at church. Why? God intends the husband-wife relationship to be the closest, most connected relationship possible between two human beings; and that’s precisely what he desires of our relationship with him. That’s why God wants marriages to be filled with mutual submission demonstrated through love and respect! So that they will be authentic and intimate relationships that show the world what he wants in his relationship with each of us!
But mutual submission and love and respect are hard for us! Why? Because we want it “MY way.” In the end, the fundamental problem in our relationships is our selfishness. We are selfish, sinful being. The root of all relationship problems is selfishness; the root of selfishness is sin. Apart from God changing our nature and filling us with his Spirit submitting, loving, and respecting one another as God intends is impossible!
So, how do I overcome my selfishness and give myself to others…my husband…my wife…in unselfish, sacrificial love and respect?
1. Admit your inability to be the person God wants you to be apart from God—if you’ve never experienced the life-change of God’s forgiveness and salvation, surrender to him right now confessing your sin, receiving his forgiveness, and accepting your new life; if you have already experienced the life-change of God’s salvation but have been “going it alone” without a close and intimate relationship with God energized by the Holy Spirit, confess your sin, receive his forgiveness, and accept the filling of the Spirit
2. Pray that God will grow the fruit humility, love, and respect in your life—take time to be in God’s presence through a daily time alone with God through prayer, Scripture, and meditation; use the Daily Office and/or the weekly Bible study to renew your mind and to get close to God
3. Make a list of things your respect in those closest to you…especially you, wives—focus on character qualities and Christ-like behaviors; take time to share those qualities and behaviors with them and show your appreciation through practical acts of service
4. Make a list of ways you can show your sacrificial love to those closest to you…especially you, husbands—focus on simple things that will mean the most such as practical acts of service, words of affirmation, meaningful touch, small unexpected gifts, or quality time together; let go of your self-focus and get close to others through love
5. Depend on the energy of God’s Spirit—love and respect don’t come naturally to those of us who are influenced by sin; however, for those who have received new life in Christ, we have an infinite source of love and respect through the Spirit that lives within us
Perhaps this kind of response would lead to a different scene…
A husband knelt in prayer thanking God for his wife and the close connection he senses between the two of them.
“What made the difference,” the Lord asks?
The man answers, “You’ve given me your Spirit and a new way of seeing myself and my wife. You have filled me with your love, and I see myself as your son and her servant.”
May God fill us with his Spirit to overflowing with the humility of submission! May God strengthen our marriages with love and respect! May God make us the kind of church family that knows the fullness of the power of his Spirit and the abundance of his love through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Learning submission, love, and respect at home and at church,
Scott Corwin, Pastor