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Everyone of us has experienced a “shattered dream” due to the absence of perfect love. Regardless of the source — an imperfect or broken family, emotional or sexual abuse, abandonment, loveless marriage, divorce, betrayal by a friend, etc. — we’ve all suffered the painful consequences of relationships that don’t measure up to God’s intention and design.
Often, the pain of those inevitable “shattered dreams” become the clouded lenses through which we view ourselves and others leading to deepening pain in an ever descending vortex of disappointment. What’s more, all attempts at soothing the pain through earthly relationships prove futile and leave us longing ever more desperately for perfect love.
The longing to be loved perfectly is understandable: it is a function of God’s creation design and intention for our lives. He created us in love for love. We were made for relationships of love with God and with one another. However, the means for experiencing that love has been distorted by our selfishness and sin. We look for love in earthly relationships outside of the love that is available to us in our spiritual relationship with God and that leads inevitably to shattered dreams.
Here’s the way to get over the pain of shattered dreams due to the absence of perfect love:
God longs to fulfill your dream of being known intimately and loved just as you are.
For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you [a spirit]* of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. Ephesians 1:15-17
*the Spirit [NIV] — Since believers already have the Holy Spirit, my personal conviction is that this is best translated as “a spirit” which highlights the life-transforming power of God within the life of the believer who experiences God’s love.
Paul reminds us in his letter to the Ephesians that we have been blessed with every spiritual blessing (1:3), chosen to be holy and blameless (1:4), adopted as his children (1:5), redeemed, forgiven, and received grace (1:7) — all because of his perfect love! On the basis of these facts, Paul prays that we would “know him better.”
The word Paul uses here for “know” is a word that emphasizes “knowledge through experience” not simply “knowing a list of facts.” What Paul is praying, is that you and I might have a personal encounter with God and his perfect love, an experience where God opens our minds and hearts (revelation) to his perfect love in the practical experience of our everyday lives (wisdom).
When that happens, our God-given longing to be known intimately and loved perfectly is filled with God’s love. The cloud of our painful shattered dreams is blown away and we begin to see ourselves and others more clearly…not through the painful lenses of our shattered dreams but from the perspective of God’s perfect love. We are changed and transformed by God’s love. We are gracious, forgiving, and loving with ourselves and others because we’ve experienced God’s grace, forgiveness, and love.
How do we experience this life-changing transformation? Begin with prayer! Prayer is the most basic expression of faith. Turn to God in faith and, like Paul, pray that God will show himself to you…his perfect love…so that you experience him, get acquainted with him, get to know him better.
Watch out! Sometimes we focus more on our pain and our problems than we do on prayers of faith. We get stuck sharing our pain and problems with others getting sucked into the pain vortex of focusing ourselves. Yes, we should share our pain and our problems with a trusted circle of friends, but beware of our natural tendency to be self-focused (e.g. stuck on talking about our pain and problems) and the natural tendency of some friends who listen but don’t point us to God’s solutions. Yes, we should pray about our pain and problems, but be sure to pray for God’s solution to our pain and not just dwell on the problem.
May you and I experience the intimacy of being known and loved by God!